day029, 1 59pm

hello a very elongated post here. after new years and all the festivities i had got rather lazy to do any blogging. though i did pick up some photos here and there which you will see shortly. i decided to return because school, well my year 12 camp, is less than a week away, and i though it right to post before the first day. just a small sentimental thought here but just to think of next week, will be the last first day of school, if that makes sense. its going to be a first of "lasts" for the rest of the year. its a very nice feeling.
well anyway, photos! note i wont be able to update you on everyyytthing, i'll just bring up the significant events.

this was at Crown casino, i think on the 27th dec. i loved this place as a child, still do.

 i thought this skyline looked nice, same day as 27th

 at  night on the 27th, this was after some really cool fire displays.

oh yeah, on the 26th, day prior to the the photos above, 26th boxing day sales. went to knox city at 7am with my mum and younger brother(my dad opted to sleep in) to make sure we could get our hands on what ever we wanted, and what ever our wallets allowed, luckily knox wasnt swarmed during the early hours. once we got there we split up to go wherever we desired. great day, i bought a few pieces of, previously, high quality clothing; shirts, tshirts, cardigan, belt(i cant be bother pulling out the clothes i bought to take a photo of). we searched the stores from 7am to around 10am.

come new years eve, i hadn't really planned anything, which was the plan. i just wanted to spend it with my family at home as i did for nye2011. though my friend invited me to another friends(whom lives nearby) nye party, i politely declined for i, out of all honesty, had no desire to see them on such an occasion. for that matter, i didn't want to see anyone i knew during the holidays at all, if i could help it. distancing myself from my friends was the general plan for the two months, i feel entirely at peace when i do; peace was something i craved nearing the end of 11', proof from the second term holidays when i was mourning the end of harry potter. meaning i rarely visit any social network, let alone a video game.

15th jan waiting for studio ghibli's recent works; Arriety to begin, by myself...

forever alone! but it was such a beautiful film, I RECOMMEND IT!
on the same day, right after Arriety, i watched The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo(by myself) which was, very intense and incredible, another great direction by David Fincher, a few scenes were hard to watch though(not for the faint hearted). rooney mara was such a stand out from the film, more so than her small role in David Fincher's Social Network. Definitely recommend it!

fast forward to today, three and a bit days away from camp/first day of year 12. in my days solitude during these holidays, i've had a great deal of time to think about my approach towards year 12, and i think i'm in a mindset which is entirely different to from previous and a very focused on at that. after a recent discussion with my cousin, who recently graduated from year 12 and accepted into university, the chat really inspired me to give my best effort and more. fact is that i really want to achieve a good ATAR and entry into university, to make me proud of myself and most of all my parents, them most of all because of their non-oppressive approach to raising me up and non-forcefulness towards study/school, i think studying hard and achieving an excellent result is a way to show that their methods had not been done in vain, another way to thank them i suppose.

the days of where i spent hours with video games are gone, long gone. 

alright that's enough school discussion. now i'd like to turn your attention to something that happened to me very recently, how recently? last night. where? in a dream. the following may sound crazy to some. also note that i've never in my life had a girlfriend or intimacy with a girl.

(im rather shy)

italics to show its importance!

so last night i had a dream(as people do) of the same subject of previous dream; night before last and the night before that, this morning i recalled vaguely and clearly(at the same time) that it involved me and a cute girl(i don't recall a name) near the same age as me, of asian ethnicity, like me, in a relationship, boyfriend girlfriend. now last night was the clearest i could remember of all the nights before that, and the feelings were the clearest. now what happened in the dream was pretty clear too, i think we were walking around chadstone(of all places -.-) and at one point i held her hand and she did the same to which then our eyes met. the feeling was indescribably amazing. after that i remember taking her to a family gathering and introducing her to my aunts, uncles, grandparents, parents and cousins(who are all real in life). some funny/strange stuff happened with an aunt but i can't remember clearly. we then appeared to be walking toward a dock around night, nothing dangerous looming in the shadows, just peaceful movement of the sea, during the walk i think i said some mushy stuff about ...(iiiii don't think i'll be disclosing this part) and some reassurance, reasons why i said it i cannot recall. we then sat on a bench talking and holding hands. a while later i heard my mind saying "yes its all real! i actually have a girlfriend!".

and everything began to disappear the sea, the dock and her. 

then i was greeted by the sunlight on my face, i was alone again. i sat up utterly disappointed to realise it was all fake, it was all a dream; a disappointment i have come to familiarise myself with over the past few days. it was the first real feeling of what i can only assume as real proper love, mostly from the hand holding. though i'm probably wrong, i don't know what it should feel like. 

this just reminds me of how much a sucker i am for 'love', a couple of days ago i had thought to leave this stuff until after year 12 for a serious relationship, but what i felt from holding hands with my dream girl(?) is something i really want to feel again, but... i don't know...

main reason for this post was to talk about my dream.

i think i'll leave it at that, i'll make sure to blog again before school begins.

until next time.